I don’t normally talk about this kind of personal stuff with others but I really want to blog this one out. I met this guy. Over a dating app called OkCupid. We will call him Cupid. We talked for about a week messaging back and forth. He said he wanted to meet me. I know its dangerous but I hadn’t had any male attention in a long time. So I invited him over.
He ended up being beautiful. Tall, dark and handsome. Sweet looking brown eyes. Long dark lashes, perfect shaped lips with the perfect facial hair. We lay on the bed on our backs talking for literally hours. It was so comfortable like we had known each other for years. He opened up telling me about his younger years growing up in a broken home, selling drugs at a young age. How he wound up doing time for a while and what he learned from it. It didn’t seem like that type. I really think he learned his lesson. He told me about his goals in life. His next steps in life..
It was great not having to dig or keep conversation going. I could feel heat coming off his arm the whole time and it was making me giddy inside. But I didn’t want to act like a creeper. We had talked like we were brother and sister so at this point I was thinking he didn’t see anything in me sexually. I wasn’t disappointed. I was thinking if anything we could maintain a great friendship.
He got up to go use my bathroom when he came out instead of laying back down next to me he crawled on top of me. He got real close to my face and I felt my heart racing. I said ” what are you doing”? Then he kissed me.
Like love in the making… His kisses were soft and wet. He stuck his tongue in my mouth and I actually liked it. I hadn’t planned on sleeping with him when I invited him over. But his kisses …and when I looked up into his eyes I felt close to him. I was caving in.
a warm embrace, a tilted head, the need of release, a bond instead.
After moments of kissing he stood up off the bed and asked me to get naked with him. This was actually a lot more lovable in person then it seems typed out. We both slipped our clothes off and for the first time I didn’t try to hide my body. We got back in the bed, him on top of me..more kissing.
I could feel him wanting me and it made me nervous. Not nervous because I was about to sleep with him but nervous because I wanted him to like it.. He looked down at me and said ” are you ready”… This was the first time any one had asked me if I was ready.. And This was the first time I felt I was ready. I slowly shook my head Yes.
A whispered prayer, a single kiss, then a moment of utter bliss.
Fire works went off.. It felt different with him. Better. We moved as one. The only sounds were of wetness, kissing and heavy breathing. Its like we couldn’t get close enough. Our eyes kept locking. I broke the stare a few times. I didn’t want him to think I was pathetic. Even with my naked chest out in the open I never caught him looking down. He would focus on my lips then back to my eyes. He kissed my shoulders and I kissed his. He tasted so sweet. He felt strong on me. Like if he wanted to he could have held me down but I knew he would never do something like that to hurt me.
Tonight he is mine.
We spent the entire night in bliss together as one. I felt like I could have laid in bed with him forever. He is in the middle of an apprenticeship that keeps him out of town during the week. So I only have weekends. Which is good because I feel if I could see him every day I would.
I feel it could be easy to be jealous or insecure when it comes to him. I’m afraid of him because I feel I could fall in love with him easily. Dr. Sues said you know your in love when you cant sleep at night because for once reality is better then your dreams. But others have said that love at first site can be cued by taking a second look.
I miss him. We have texted back and forth a little since this amazing night. I hope I hear from him often. I hope he wants to see me again. I don’t want a boyfriend.. but I wouldn’t mind having a weekend boyfriend.. I shouldn’t set myself up for failure.
I hate being a woman. I hate that my head and my heart have to battle over love. Usually I’m very good at separating love and lust.. when there’s a potential relationship and when it’s just sex. I couldn’t tell with this one. This one is a challenge.
Most signs point to it being just sex. Right before he left he had said something about ” if we ever got serious”.. I’m kicking myself for not paying better attention. I wish I could remember exactly what was said.
Your love is like a storm, gathering in the night, I chased across the sky, and a moment in your arms becomes the reason why.
There is no way I could throw our night together into the category of guys that were just “hook ups”. So what do I do from here. I’m going to let it all pan out on its own.. I’ll keep you updated.
” When the power of Love overcomes the Love of power, the world will know Peace.”